There was a gentle knock on my door. I looked up from the book I was trying to decipher. God knows how many times I had already read it.
"Excuse me," A young lady wearing chinos and a navy blue polo shirt asked. "There’s someone here to see you. Shall I let him in?" She had a name-tag, but I figured she was too far away for me to see it.
"Sure." Who could be here to see me?
A man, who looked about my age, maybe younger, walked into the room. He looked nervous. I had definitely seen him before, I just couldn’t place his name. I stood up and extended my hand. “Hi, there.” I said, trying to be polite. Maybe he was an old colleague or something.
The man looked at me with teary eyes before quickly wiping them with his sleeve. He shook my hand softly and muttered a small ‘hello’.
"Won’t you sit down?" I gestured to the wicker chair across from mine next to the large bay window. I always loved that seat. It had the most perfect view of the lakes. Sometimes if I woke up early enough, I was able to see the ducks swimming with their little chicks. As we sat there in momentary silence, I looked at the man again. I still had no idea who he was. Tall, lean, and handsome, I wish I could remember how I knew him. I was certain of it.
"Ermm…" he looked at me with his piercing green eyes that were so full of sadness. "I…I brought you something."
Taking the bag from him, I discarded the tissue paper to find a photo album. The first photograph looked so old. It was of 5 boys, all on a stage, singing with huge smiles on their face. One of them looked like a younger version of the aged man now sitting across from me. I looked down at the picture and then up at him again. “Is this you?” I asked, uncertainly.
"Yeah…that’s me." he replied, offering no other hints. I sighed, looking across the room. An older man caught me eye, in the reflection. He was sitting on the same chair that I was, looking back at me with confused blue eyes. He was holding a picture frame, just like me. It took a moment before I realized that I was looking at myself in the mirror. Turning my head back to the photograph, I noticed one of the boys in it looked like a younger version of me. Could it be possible?
"Is…is this me?" I said, pointing to the boy in the picture who was wearing suspenders.
"Yes, Louis, that’s you…when you were twenty."
Twenty years old. Wow. I felt my eyes tear up. I flipped the page to the next picture. It was of a younger me and a younger him holding hands on the Eiffel Tower. I looked up at the man sitting across from me for an answer.
"That’s…um…that’s when we came out together for the first time. It was our first official date." he said quietly.
I looked back to the photo, staring hard. I wanted to remember so badly. Had I been in love with this man? Had we lived our whole lives together? I flipped the page. It was the man holding a little baby.
"That’s Annabelle. We adopted her together." he said softly. I brushed my thumb against the baby’s little cheek, feeling only the plastic of the covering. Had I held that baby in my own arms and watched her grow up? I smiled softly, she was so beautiful, and so was he.
The next picture showed the three of us, standing in front of a nursery school. “Let me guess…Annabelle’s first day of school?” I asked, smiling at the man for the first time.
Moving through the album, I saw how my life played out from these pictures. The man and I on a cruise, the three of us on a roller coaster; the man and Annabelle reading from a newspaper. So many little activities had been chronicled, and yet, I couldn’t remember a thing. I couldn’t remember how my precious daughter even looked now, and I couldn’t even remember my beautiful partner’s name. It was killing me. As we reached the last picture, which consisted of me holding Annabelle’s own daughter, I looked up for the last time at the man, hoping for a final answer.
"You and I…." I trailed off, unable to finish the sentence. The tears were brimming in my eyes, waiting to take the plunge down my face. I was heartbroken that I couldn’t remember this beautiful life that I once had. I had it all with my family, and now…all I looked forward to was watching the ducks cross the pond in the morning. I only remembered the ducks. The man leaned forward and took my hands in his own and started to rub soft circles into my palms with his thumbs.
"Lou, on our first date, we went to a park after standing on the Eiffel Tower. We went to a park and we sat down on a bench next to the pond." He stared at me, trying to get me to focus on his words. "In the pond we saw…"
"Ducks. We saw ducks." I replied automatically.
"You remembered, like always.,” he said smiling, bringing my fingers up to his mouth before placing a kiss on the back of my hand.
"I remembered?" I asked, still uncertain of my memory.
"Yes. You remembered. We sat at that bench and watched the ducks swim across the pond for hours. That’s when I told you that I loved you."
I smiled, vaguely trying to remember the feel of his lips against my own.
"Remember that, Lou. Whenever you’re sad, or feel lonely. Remember that the ducks will always be here for you,” he said, gesturing to the pond outside.
"I’ll always remember, Harry. I always will."
12:01 am • 3 May 2012 • 15 notes
Sunday, March 25
-Hey babe xx
-Sorry, who is this?
-Haha you don’t remember, love? You met me last night at the club ;)
-Right…not ringing a bell.
-Ouch I’m hurt. How about I give you a clue xx
-I’ve got dark hair :)
-Great that narrows it down SO much..
-I was in the VIP section
-…cool. I wasn’t.
-You sure about that, babe?
-I was too? Fuck.
-Don’t worry, we didn’t get that far ;)
-…how about you tell me who you are so we can end this little textversation.
-Zayn Malik xx
-Oh. Well have a nice life Zayn Malik.
-Wait, don’t you want to know what happened last night?
-I’m sure my friends can fill me in.
-Well, I just wanted to tell you that I had a really spectacular time with you last night and I hope I can see you again :) xxx
-What’s with all the x’s and smileys?
-I’ll stop if you don’t like it.
-Stop texting me? That’d be great, thanks. Bye
-No! You know what I mean :p
-Seriously mate, what do you want from me?
-I want to see you again
-That’s highly unlikely
-Well, you’re some famous boy band guy who probably hooks up with any girl that looks at him, and I’m not that easy…or desperate.
-Oh, I know. That’s why I like you :)
-You don’t even know me.
-Give me a chance to then. I promise you won’t be disappointed ;)
-Yeah, this cocky douche attitude won’t get you far
-I’m sorry, please, give me a chance.
-Why should I?
-B/c honestly, you were the only girl I even saw last night. You’re the only one who wasn’t eyeing us up because we’re famous. You didn’t care. Also you have an air of confidence that’s absolutely breathtaking. And don’t even get me started on your caramel eyes :)
-…um thanks? I don’t know what to say.
-Say you’ll meet me for coffee.
-Fine. 10:00 AM, Victoria Street. Tomorrow
-Can’t wait, beautiful. xxx
Monday, March 26
-I had a really great time with you today. Thanks for meeting with me
-Haha, you make it sound like an interview, Zayn.
-It kinda was xx
-Oh really? Did you get the job? Hahah
-As your boyfriend? Definitely :)
-In your dreams, Malik.
-Oh, come on. I didn’t change your first impression at all?
-You did…but having one coffee doesn’t mean we’re dating.
-Give me time to change that xxx
-Let’s just take it slow for now, please?
-That’s perfect, I can wait :)
-Don’t hold your breath
Thursday, March 29
-Hey babe, what are you up to?
-Sitting in class bored
-What time do you get out?
-11:30. Thank god I don’t have lab today
-Lab? Are you a science major
-Wow, beauty and brains…I think I’m in love :)
-Haha very funny
-I’m serious! I remember at the club, you were the most beautiful girl there
-I try, I try. :)
Friday, March 30
-OMG Aladdin’s on the telly!
-Hahah I would have never pictured you as a Disney fan, Zayn.
-Disney movies are the greatest. Tell me you’ll watch it with me!
-I’m always down for some Disney.
-Great. I’ll record it! Come over as soon as you’re done with classes!
-That’s at 7:30 though :/
-Perfect! I’ll go get Chinese and snacks!
-Are you sure you want to wait? You can watch it w/o me!
-Then it wouldn’t be as fun! And I’d have no one to cuddle with ;)
-Haha, okay, I’ll call when I’m done. And I’ll bring the candy :)
-Can’t wait, babe!
Monday, April 2
-The boys say they want to meet you.
-Oh wow. I feel so honored?
-Hahaha you should be ;)
-Yeaaaaaaaah idk about all of that
-Will you come hang out with us?
-Um, idk if that’s a good idea
-B/c they’re famous?
-Yeah kinda :/
-But you hang out with me!
-Yeah but, I know you. It’s different
-Trust me, if you didn’t know who they were, you’d never suspect that they were famous, I promise you’ll love them
-Okay…as long as you don’t leave me alone! I’m not really good at meeting new people
-I’ll hold your hand the entire time babe :)
-Okay. Let’s do this!
Friday, April 6
-I’m picking you up at half 7. Wear something nice ;)
-You’ll see :)
-It’s a surprise! I’ll see you soon, gorgeous xxx
Saturday, April 7
-So, how long did you plan that big date?
-Oh that? It was nothing :)
-A rooftop dinner perfect for stargazing is nothing to you? Ah the life of the rich and famous…
-I wanted to show you the real me. Away from cameras, and fans, and the boys.
-Well, if it makes you happy, I like the real you.
-You have no idea how happy xxx
Wednesday, April 11
-Check your mail! xxxx
-You ask way too many questions :p
-Fine, give me a minute
-Did you get it?
-OH MY GOD ZAYN! A private viewing of the new Monet exhibit?!!?!!1 I’m freaking out!
-I thought you’d like it :)
-I LOVE it! Thank you!!!!!!!!!!
-Idk if you noticed…but there’s 2 tickets in the envelope
-Ah I see!
-So who are you gonna bring?
-I was thinking Max
-My parent’s cat.
-…you’ve got to be joking.
-Zayn, of course, I want you to come with me!
-Yeah I was about to say…:p
-Can’t wait! You’re the best!!! :)
Friday, April 13
-So, did you have a nice time?
-Yes! The exhibit was beautiful!
-What was your favorite part?
-Hmm, I liked the collection of late impressionism paintings
-What about you?
-I rather liked the part at the end
-The last painting we saw?
-No, after that
-When we left the museum?
-When you walked me home?
-When we kissed?
-Bingo! Best part of the night right there!
-Yeah yeah, I guess it was alright ;)
-I knew I’d win you over eventually :)
8:56 pm • 14 April 2012 • 18 notes
(Requested. 1000+ words)
"Hi, um…this is kind of weird, but my friend over there thinks you’re really cute." I said, trying to make my voice heard over the crowd and the booming music.
"Sorry?" the boy turned around to look me dead in the eyes with his brilliant green orbs. Whoa. Matt was right, he was really good looking. And vaguely familiar. Where had I seen him before?
"I said um..my friend thinks you’re really cute." pointed to Matt, who was near the bar ordering a drink.
"Oh, wow. I guess I should be flattered, but…" The boy looked uncomfortable. "I’m…I’m not..erm…."
"Gay?" I asked. We were at a gay bar in the West Village. I was playing wingman for my friend Matt, who had practically shoved me into the black sequined skirt and tank top himself. He was on the hunt for someone new, and he had wanted me to help.
"Yeah sorry love, I’m straight."
"Well this is awkward then. I’m sorry about that." I said, pushing my loose brown curls off of my shoulder and turning to walk back to the bar.
"Wait don’t go!" he lightly grabbed my arm, turning me to face him again. "Judging by the number of drinks you’ve turned down by beautiful ladies, I take it you’re straight too." he chuckled.
"You guess right. I’m here as a wingman." I said, looking back into his eyes. Damn, he was really attractive, and it wasn’t just the vodka talking. His mahogany curls were swept artfully to the side of his face, which was babyish but still masculine at the same time. I wanted to trace his sculpted jaw with my finger.
"Really? That’s very sweet of you. I actually have no idea how we ended up here, but its a cool scene."
"You’re British." I said. It was more of a statement, rather than a question. The music had softened a little and I was able to pick up his sultry accent.
"Yeah I am. I take it you’re not."
"No, I wish. I’m actually going to be traveling to London in a few weeks though. Studying abroad."
"Really? I live there. Have you been before?"
"Nope. First time. I know I’m going to be lost pretty much the entire time. I’m excited though."
"Well, you’re going to have to hit me up while you’re there."
Oh he was smooth. “I don’t even know your name…”
"Wow, you’re right." he smiled down at the floor. "Harry, Harry Styles." he extended his hand.
"Grayson Steele." I replied, giving him mine, which instead of shaking, he moved up to his mouth to place a light kiss on.
As he leaned back against the bar, he checked his phone, which was lighting up. “Listen love, I’ve got to go. We’ve got an early flight, but how about you give me your phone number and I’ll call you soon.”
"Sure." I replied, unable to say no, typing my number into his iPhone. His eyes were far too manipulative for their own good. It’s like his gaze set me in a trance. He was so captivating.
"It was nice meeting you. I suppose I’ll be speaking with you very soon." he said, giving me a hug and placing another kiss on the side of my cheek before walking away.
"Unbelievable." Matt said from behind me.
"We come to a gay bar, and you end up with the guy I thought was cute? My wingman is way too attractive."
Stepping off the plane into Heathrow, I took my first breath of English air. I chuckled to myself, I was being dramatic. Grabbing my luggage from baggage claim, I took a taxi to my new North London flat. I was beyond excited to be in this new environment. As the taxi maneuvered its way through the city, I found myself gazing outside the window like an overly excited child. London was a beautiful mix of historical buildings and modern innovation. I felt like I was at home. I turned the key into the flat and was greeted with a squeal from Jasmine, my best friend from home, roommate, and the only person I knew in the city, besides the beautiful boy from the gay bar, whom I never heard from again. I let that slide from my memory though.
"Can you believe we’re here?!" Jasmine exclaimed.
"No! Please tell me we’re going exploring, like now."
"That’s not even a question. Grab your bag. Let’s go!"
I extracted my leather cross-body bag from by bags, and headed out the door. I was ready to live life to the fullest in London. After walking around town for a few hours, we headed into a cafe for dinner. It was crowded, so we opted for a table outside, and were seated next to a group of girls who couldn’t have been more than 16.
"Oh my god. I can’t believe we have tickets to the O2 next week! I can’t wait to meet our future husbands." one of them giggled.
"Mm Louis, here I come!"
"Forget Lou, he’s taken. I’m determined to get with Harry Styles. He’s gorgeous."
Whoa. Harry Styles. Was that the one I met back in the West Village? The girls gathered their things and walked away down the pavement.
"Jas, did you hear those girls’ conversation?"
"Yeah, so what?"
"I think I know them."
"Those girls? Impossible. We just got here Grays. You must be delirious from the flight!" she laughed lightly.
"No, not the girls. Harry Styles. I met him at Le Bain in New York 2 weeks ago."
"Seriously? He’s like a huge pop-star. Didn’t you know?"
"No! I guess I was too tipsy to make the connection! He’s in One Direction right?"
"Yeah, all of those boys are gorgeous. God’s genetic gift to us all."
"Damn, I can’t believe I gave him my phone number."
Jasmine choked on the lemon water she was drinking. “You what?!”
"Yeah, we were talking…and flirting I guess. I told him I’d be in London soon, and he told me he’d hit me up."
"Grays, that’s AMAZING! Did he ever call?"
"No, he’s a pop-star. I doubt he would. You know how famous people are…" I trailed off. Living in New York City provided plenty of opportunities to meet famous people, who often weren’t so pleasant.
"Yeah true. It’s still a good story to tell!"
It seemed like after my first day in England, the rain decided to become incessant, not that I minded though. I loved pulling on my rain coat and pushing in my ear-bud headphones and taking a nice run in the rain. The drops of water didn’t bother me, and London had a number of perfect little parks to take jogs around. I had settled on Clissold Park, for its beautiful Victorian landscaping, and was happily enjoying the greenery on today’s rain-run. After a good two hours of running, I had finally made it back to the flat, and was waiting for the lift to take me to the 16th floor. Saying I was damp from the rain was an understatement. I was drenched, but I loved it.
"A little wet are we?" I heard someone laugh from behind me. Turning and pulling my hood down, I found myself face-to-face with the boy who had gotten my phone number in a gay bar.
"Whoa. I know you. Grayson, right? From New York?" he asked. I couldn’t believe he remembered me.
"Yeah. Nice to see you again, Harry." I felt a little awkward. He had never called me, but I wasn’t about to let some boy to ruin my rain-run mood.
"Yeah for sure. Hey listen, I’m sorry I never called you, it’s just, we headed to Australia right after I saw you and we’ve practically become nocturnal while recording the new album." he said, rubbing the back of his neck and looking at the hardwood on the floor.
"Oh, don’t worry about it. It’s fine. Really."
"No, it’s not! It was rude of me. I promised to give you a tour so you wouldn’t get lost here!"
"Really, Harry, I’m actually doing pretty well for myself. I’ve settled down quite nicely." I said, smiling at him reassuringly. It seemed like he really felt bad. That was sweet. We stepped into the elevator. I hit the 12th floor.
"You live here?"
"Yeah…flat 16-23." I said before I could stop myself. "Wait. Do you live here?" I shot back at him
"Yeah! I do! 18-04. This is great! We have to hang out all the time."
"Erm…yeah. For sure…well this is me. I guess I’ll see you around, Harry." I said before walking out of the elevator. I was never one to believe in fate, but damn, this was just uncanny. As I turned the lock to the flat, I heard the sounds of sizzling garlic and pasta flowing from the kitchen.
"Feeling domestic are we?" I asked Jasmine, popping a cherry tomato into my mouth.
"Oh shut it. I met someone today."
"Oooh do tell!"
"Remember that Harry Styles kid you met back home?"
"Yeah…." I said. How did she know that I saw him just now?
"Turns out he lives here. The whole band actually does. I met Liam. And Grays, before you say anything, he is nothing like the celebrities back home." She said quickly.
"Jas, Jas. It’s okay! I’m not judging you. I actually just ran into Harry downstairs."
"You did?! How’d it go? Tell me everything!"
"Oh no, you tell me about you and Liam first, and why you’re slaving over this stove!"
"Well…" she trailed off guiltily. "Funny you should bump into Harry. I, um, Liam actually saw me struggling with the groceries downstairs and offered to help carry them up, and…."
"Spill it before you have an aneurysm."
"I told him to come round for dinner…and to bring the boys."
"The boys? As in all 5 of them?"
"Well yeah, but Niall’s visiting home so it’s you, me, Liam, Harry, Louis and Zayn."
"Oh okay. I guess that sounds fun."
"You’re not mad?"
"Of course not silly!" I laughed, "It’d be good for us to meet new people here! I’m going to pop in the shower before they come over, okay?" I said, walking into my room. Shrugging out of my rain jacket and clothes, I stepped into the warm shower, hoping that the steamy water would prevent my mind from completely racing out of control.
After I dressed myself in black leggings and a beige tunic, I re-entered the kitchen to find 3 very attractive boys that I assumed to be the rest of 1D, Harry, and Jasmine all laughing together.
"Ah this must be your lovely roommate." the one with chestnut hair said.
"Guys, this is Grayson. Grays, this is Liam, Louis, and Zayn; you already know Harry." Jasmine introduced.
Despite their exponentially growing fame, I found the boys to be all very easy-going and funny. They really were just normal guys.
"So Harold. I can’t believe this is the girl you didn’t call back." Louis nudged Harry jokingly.
"Lou!" he exclaimed, blushing in apparent embarrassment.
"Seriously. She’s gorgeous. What’s wrong with you mate?" Zayn teased.
"You guys are killing me." Harry mumbled. He was so cute. I found myself wishing I could push him up against the wall and lose myself in the tangle of his curls.
"Thanks for dinner guys! Jasmine, you are an amazing cook!"
"Yeah, tomorrow’s our turn. Wait till you try my chicken!"
"No problem guys, can’t wait! See you later." Jasmine said, closing the door behind Liam, who had just kissed her on the cheek, very close to her mouth.
"Blushing are we?" I teased, reaching into my pocket to pull out my vibrating phone.
‘Meet me on the roof. 21st floor.' The number was unknown.
'Who is this?'
I pulled on my boots and headed for the door. Why did he want to see me, now? After we had just spent the last 4 hours together with all of our friends? This boy was an oddball, that was for sure. I hit the button on the lift for the 21st floor. When the door finally opened, I saw a wooden door all the way at the end of the hallway with a sign that read ‘Roof Access’. Bingo. I pushed the door open and and looked around. Who knew our building even had a rooftop terrace? I saw Harry leaning casually against the brick ledge. He had pulled on a navy school blazer over his light blue button up shirt. Boys who dressed well were a weakness for me. He was staring off into the distance; he looked like he was chiseled out of marble. How could one person be this good looking? It just wasn’t fair. As I approached him, he turned to me, flashing a small smile. Was he nervous?
"Hey, I, um, I got your text."
"I’m glad you came…" he trailed off looking out back at the skyline.
"The view’s really beautiful. I didn’t even know there was a terrace up here."
"I’m glad I could show you."
A calm silence enveloped us as we both took in the view. It wasn’t awkward though, the quietness. It felt relaxed. I found myself easing away from the tension and leaned against the brick.
"Hmm?" I replied, still looking out at the view. I looked down to see his hand enclose mine.
"I’m sorry about the guys teasing about when we met in New York." he said, pulling my hand so that I was now facing him.
"It’s alright. No big deal." I whispered. I hadn’t realized how close our bodies were. His face was only a few inches from mine. I could feel my breath hitching in my throat.
"Good. It’s just, they know."
I looked at him, confused.
"They know how big of a crush I have on you."
Whoa, I definitely wasn’t expecting that.
"That’s actually partly why I didn’t call. I was too nervous. I didn’t know what to say." he rambled. "Your’e just so beautiful, and confident, and…"
I bit back a smile that was threatening to form on my lips.
"See? You’re doing it again. Everything you do is adorable. I thought running into you downstairs was fate, but Jasmine and Liam? It’s just unreal." he said, brushing my hair from my face. He was gazing at me with those entrancing eyes again.
"Harry, I don’t know what to say." I smiled at him.
"Don’t say anything." he said, moving one hand to my waist and the other to my cheek. As he leaned in, I closed my eyes. I felt his soft lips press against mine. It’s like there was a electric current flowing between us. His hand was moving against back lightly. Everything was perfect. As we separated, I looked back at his beautiful face.
"I know what to say."
"What’s that love?"
"I’m so glad Matt asked me to wingman for him back home."
11:12 pm • 8 April 2012 • 6 notes
Moment for life
"Niall, let’s stay this way forever." I heard her mumble next to me. Turning my head slightly, I saw her lean silhouette outlined in the darkness, staring up at the stars.
"Let’s never change. I want this moment to last forever." she replied, lacing her fingers with mine.
"I…I promise. I’ll love you forever." I said, tilting her face towards mine so I could place a soft kiss on her forehead.
This was the last night we were going to see each other for a long time. An indefinite amount of time. And we wanted to soak up every last second that we had together. I was moving to London, to pursue my music career with the lads, and she was off to uni. I was scared, and so was she, but I was scared of losing her. She was my best friend and my first love. I couldn’t imagine life without her, but it would be naive of me to think that thinks could remain the same forever. I wanted to be that naive though. I wasn’t one to play with girls’ hearts, usually they played with mine. Grace never did though. She was my equal in every aspect, and I wanted to love her forever, and I knew I would.
Sighing, I looked up, what seemed like seconds later, to see the sun burst over the grassy horizon. It was time to go.
How long had I repressed that memory? Of parting with Grace? I couldn’t bear to think of it for so long. I still couldn’t. It tore me apart, that we fell apart. I was so busy that I barely had time to call my own parents, and I’m sure her life picked up with the excitement of university. I missed her so much, and only Zayn knew. He often tried to persuade me to go out with other girls, to try dating again. It was no use. Every girl reminded me of her. If I saw someone who vaguely looked like her, with dark brown waves or those brilliant green eyes, I could feel my heart physically plummet with anxiety. I was the only one in the band who hadn’t had a girl in the past 2 years.
Now, walking through Manchester, near the university, I could feel her presence near me. I was nervous. I didn’t know, for certain, that I’d see her. I desperately wanted to casually bump into her. I knew that my chances were extremely slim. There were, I’m sure, hundreds of girls in the city today, most of them to hear us perform later tonight. I doubt Grace would even come.
"Nialler, what’s up mate? You’re not your cheery self today!" I heard Liam ask me.
"It’s nothing, just…tired." I mumbled. I wasn’t in the mood to have a heart-to-heart. Liam always had the best intentions but I wanted to keep to myself today. I felt Zayn pat me lightly on the back, offering comfort. He probably knew exactly what was coursing through my mind.
As we approached the university, I felt my heart drop again. “Why are we going into the uni?” I asked, hoping we were just lost.
"You’ve got a radio interview. One of the stations is here." Paul answered.
‘Fuck,’ I thought. My chances of seeing her were growing. I wasn’t sure if I wanted that. 'What if I see her…and she's moved on? Oh god.'
Walking into the building, I could feel the adrenaline pulsing through my veins. My eyes searched for the figure that I had grown to love so long ago. I didn’t see her though. I couldn’t tell if I was relieved or disappointed.
I had done it. We had just finished the show, which was a massive hit with the fans. I couldn’t help myself though. I had swept my gaze across the audience a number of times, hoping to see her jumping along to our songs. I didn’t see her though. I was definitely disappointed, and officially resigned from hoping to casually bump into her. We had a few more hours to go until we hopped back on the van to head back to London. After a shower and a quick meal, I could officially go back to my life of hopeless solitude. The day, full of anxiety and nerves, had wore me out. Deciding to grab a coffee, I pulled my hood up over my bleached locks, attempting to conceal my identity. After ordering my drink, I headed around the block to the nearby park alone for some air. Sipping on the warm liquid, I relaxed. I finally felt at ease. I had gotten worked up over nothing, for someone who I barely knew anymore. Pulling back the sleeve of my hoodie, I looked at the matching bracelet that Grace had given me. I had kept it on for so long. Even the colors of the hemp had washed away. It was falling apart, just like our relationship had. It was a sign. I needed to move on. I held on too long, and now it was time to let go. Pulling on the strings I felt it break away from my wrist. I turned it over in my palm before throwing it into the pond. It was as if a weight had been lifted off my chest. I finally felt free, after 2 years of loneliness. I closed my eyes and felt the calmness of the park engulf me.
"Niall?" a soft voice called out to me. I kept my eyes shut. I knew exactly who that voice belonged to.
"Grace." I said. I had to be dreaming. I didn’t want to turn around and see emptiness. Light footsteps crunched through the grass, approaching me. A warm hand lightly grazed my arm. I grabbed her hand with mine, with my eyes still shut.
"Please tell me I’m dreaming."
I heard her laugh. God how I missed that laugh. “Niall, open your eyes.”
Slowly my eyelids lifted, revealing the pond before me. Turning my head, I took in the girl who I had missed for 2 years. She looked exactly the same. I felt a smile forming before I could restrain myself. I lifted my hand to push her hair out of her face.
"How’d you know where I was?"
"Zayn called me. He told me everything. He told me how you feel…" she trailed off, I could tell she was nervous. This was obviously the part where she would slowly let me down. I was crazy to think that she’d wait for me, like I had for her. I was that naive.
"Remember that night," she continued, grasping my hands, " When we promised things wouldn’t change?"
"Things haven’t changed for me Niall. I still love you."
The world stopped, along with my heart. I was in shock. I grabbed her waist, pulling her towards me, and pressed my forehead to hers, before kissing her once, twice, and a third time. I heard her giggle. Smiling, I laced our hands, and kissed her, with all the passion that I had held back for the last 2 years.
2:38 am • 3 April 2012 • 7 notes
Live a little
Throwing my keys on the counter, I walked into my flat-mate’s room. “Damn, someone’s going all out for their date!” I laughed, watching Corrine pull her curly blonde hair into a neat braid.
“Shut it Dyl. You know you’re jealous!” she teased back.
“Oh no, after working a 15 hour shift at the hospital, I am in no shape to go out.”
As a pre-med, my life consisted of school, interning at the hospital, studying, and maybe sleeping, if I was lucky. I was excited about my night in, regardless of how lame it was. The doorbell rang, indicating Niall’s arrival for Corrine. She adjusted her dress as she walked to greet him at the door. I walked out of her room and into the sitting area.
“Hey Niall! Have fun tonight guys.” I said to them before I ventured into my room.
“Hi Dylan! Staying in tonight?” he asked, unable to look away from his date.
“Yeah, and I’m psyched about it! Now get out of here before you guys practically rip each other’s clothes off!” I laughed, watching the pair blush in embarrassment.
“Very funny,” he said looking at me, “Zayn said he might come over later, by the way.”
“Come over where?” I asked, hearing only a slamming door in response. As much as I loved hanging out with the boys, I really could use a night of solitude. I sighed, hoping I had heard Niall wrong, and walked into my bathroom and turned the knob to the shower. As the hot water began pouring out, I felt myself relaxing surrounded in the warm mist. The doorbell rang again.
“God damn it.” I mumbled, walking to the door while pulling on a robe.
“Please tell me you’re naked under that thing!” Zayn asked, eyeing my less than conservative attire.
“Shut up Zayn, what are you doing here?” I tried to ask, as he pushed past me into the flat holding a large brown bag.
“Niall and Corrine told me you’d be alone tonight, so I thought I’d come and keep you company.”
“I don’t want company though! I’m tired and I just want to sleep!” I replied, exasperated. “Besides, don’t you have anything else to do?”
“Nope! All the lads are going out on dates and doing something romantic, so I figured I would too.” He said, with a sly smile.
“Well go find a date and get on that!”
“I already did. I’m looking at her.”
“What.” I said incredulously. Zayn and I were friends, just friends. No dates, no romance, nothing. Sure, we flirted and had a few drunken kisses, but that was it. Nothing past words or smiles. “Zayn, we are just friends. Nothing more.”
“I know Dyl, that’s why this is perfect.” He said, setting the bag down on the counter. “We can have fun with no strings attached. When was the last time you had some fun?” he said winking at me while placing emphasis on the word.
“I mean it’s been a while, but still! This sort of stuff never works out. You know that.”
“Yeah, but we’re different, and I know you can’t deny the chemistry we have. Live a little Dylan.”
“I…I need a drink.”
“Already covered.” He smiled, pulling out a bottle of clear alcohol. He knew he had won. “Alright so by the looks of it you were about to shower, how about I join you?” he asked, winking at me.
I sighed, taking the shot of vodka from his hand and knocked it back. “How’d you know I’d cave?”
“I didn’t, I was just hoping.” He replied, pulling something else out of the bag, a swimsuit and then throwing it at me. “Go put this on and then give me five minutes.”
I took the suit silently and went into Corrine’s room. I didn’t even want to know what he was planning. I was intrigued though, and a little excited. Zayn definitely knew how to set the mood, and tonight’s mood was mystery.
Walking back out into the kitchen, I poured myself another shot. I wanted to lose my inhibitions. I was too uptight. “Let’s do this.” I thought to myself, thinking about all the times people had told me to ‘live a little.’
Pushing the door open to my room, I saw only a flickering candle inside the bathroom. Everything else was dark. I heard soft music playing in the background, and little rose petals scattered on the floor.
“You’re going all out, aren’t you?” I chuckled, looking around for him in the dim light. I felt a pair of toned arms snake around my waist.
“Might as well.” He whispered into my ear before pulling me into the shower with him. The hot water felt good, but having him with me felt better.
“Remember,” I said, looking up at him in the darkness, “just friends.”
He responded with a kiss. Although we had kissed before, this one felt different. It was full of passion. His arms tightened around my waist, pulling me closer, as I tangled my hands in his hair. I let out a small moan as he moved from my lips to my neck, pulling on the taught skin. That was going to leave a mark, but I didn’t care. I was losing myself. He let go of my waist and grabbed the soap from behind me. He turned my body, so that I was now facing the stream of water. I felt his hands, lathered with soap, now massaging my knotted muscles. I relaxed into his touch and arched my back, hoping to get closer. I felt a stream of kisses grace my neck as his hands wrapped around me and moved lower down my body. His rough hands were dangerously low. He turned me back around before pulling the string that held my top in place. As it fell, his hands began to roam the newly exposed skin. The desire mounted, and we both knew what was would happen next.
9:17 pm • 25 March 2012 • 3 notes
Texts from last night.
“Have you checked Facebook yet?”
“Hi boo, did you see it? I hope you’re alright!”
“I’m sure there’s an explanation?”
“I’m going to fucking kill someone.”
7:23 AM. Why was my phone going off at this ungodly hour? As I rolled over on my bed, I reached out to my phone that was resting on the nightstand, and read the influx of texts that I was being bombarded with, feeling my heart drop with every word that my brain registered. Something was wrong, obviously. Something, or someone rather. Every text I read lacked the details that my brain hungered for. What was wrong? What did I need to see? Why did I need to remain calm? My brain was buzzing with activity, and all of this before the sun had even skimmed the horizon. I checked the time again and realized that I needed to get up and get ready for my 8:30 class, physics. Dragging myself from the warm confines of sheets, I stumbled into the washroom to get ready, still curious. I didn’t have time to check whatever was so important on Facebook though, I couldn’t be late for class again.
As I walked through the campus, misty from the morning dew, I pulled out my phone to check the date. March 25th. He’d be coming home soon. It had been, what, 1 month, now? One long month since he had said, “I love you.” One month since we had held hands. One month since I felt those luscious lips against my own, since I had gazed into those green eyes; since I had felt his hands grazing my body with desire. Oh god, I missed him so much. Although we had kept our relationship undefined, I assumed the three words, that meant so much, would have insinuated faithfulness, and I had never doubted him, or us, for a second.
Now, walking from my class, I sat down on the brick wall in front of the on-campus coffee shop and pulled out my laptop. Flipping open the lid, I pulled up the browser and went to the website that I had been told to either avoid or look at, depending on the person texting me. My news-feed looked somewhat normal, filled with pictures and statuses of people that I barely knew or spoke to. As I scrolled down, my fingers halted as I saw one photo that destroyed all of my beliefs about love. Despite the dim lighting in the photograph, I saw it. It was blatantly obvious. I felt my breathing becoming shallow as I searched for the upload date, praying the picture was old. March 23rd. This picture had been taken only two days ago? It was as if the world had stopped. There was no denying it: my “boyfriend” was caught snogging some redheaded girl. I felt the hatred bubble up. How could he do this to me? After all we had been through? I wanted to kill him. I looked away from the screen furiously, trying to calm down, and looked for a diversion. The only other life forms around me were a couple. I watched as the boy whispered into the girl’s ear, obviously trying to charm her. All boys were the same…
I was sitting on my bed, a nervous-wreck. I hated dates. I was no good at small talk, or flirting. I had no idea how to act around a boy that liked me, let alone Harry Styles. His name alone on a piece of paper was enough to intimidate me. He was famous. I was a university student. He was a pop star. I was an aspiring scientist. We were never supposed to even meet, yet, here I was, watching my far-too-excited roommate pick out the perfect ‘date night’ outfit.
“Remind me why I’m going again?” I asked Chelsea.
“It’s Harry Styles. How could you not go? I’m just proud you even said ‘yes’ to him! This is huge! You’re losing your commitment-phobia!” she gushed, clearly more excited than I was.
“I’m…” I said, more to myself than to her. Words couldn’t accurately describe my emotions.
Four hours later, I stood with my back to the flat’s door. “Thanks for dinner and the walk, I had a nice time…” I said awkwardly, looking down at the hardwood lining the corridor.
“No problem, love. I had a great time. You are a lot of fun.” He said. Even though I wasn’t looking at him I could sense he was smiling. I wanted to see that smile, but I was too scared. I felt a finger lift my chin up, forcing me to meet his eyes. “I really like you.” I heard his deep voice mutter in my ear. “You’re adorable.” I felt his hand move to my waist as the other moved to cup my face, pulling me closer. There was less than an inch separating us as I closed my eyes. I felt soft lips press against mine once, twice, and a third time before we parted. I looked at him with curiosity as he chucked and tried a fourth time, this time receiving the response from me that he desired: a kiss filled with passion. We stood there, completely engrossed in our contact until we were gasping for breath.
Snapping out of my daydream, I noticed the couple had evaporated. “Good.” I thought bitterly, love was useless. After one pixilated photo, my vision of love had completely shattered. I felt my phone vibrate in my pocket, indicating a text message.
“Hi love, I’m home tomorrow. Come pick me up from the airport? I missed you so much! I love you!”
I chuckled to myself. “I’m sure you fucking missed me, especially while you jammed your tongue down that girl’s throat.” I thought.
“Fuck off, Styles. We’re done.” I responded, deleting the thread in my phone right after it completed sending. I was over love, it was fake all along, as I expected, but with his return I knew I would have no where to hide.
1:58 am • 25 March 2012 • 2 notes
Don’t let me go
Walking through the corridors of the hospital, I could feel the change in temperature as I entered the ICU. God, I hated hospitals. I hated the way too clean smell, I hated hearing the robotic beeps of the EKG monitors that indicated life, and most importantly, I hated that I was on my way to see him. Time had only elapsed 12 hours since we last spoke. It seems like so much had happened in that short period of time.
I took a deep breath before pushing the door to 703A open. As I glanced around the room, I tried to look everywhere but the hospital bed. I wasn’t ready to face him. Instead, I looked to the nurse reading his chart and to Anne.
"Hi darling, I’m glad you came. I’m sure he’d be glad you came too.” She said, clearly on the verge of tears.
"I couldn’t not come. How is he?" I asked, still trying to avoid looking at him.
As Anne recited the prognosis to me, using medical jargon that flew over my head, I waited in anticipation for any words that might give me a clue as to whether he would be okay or not.
"He’s suffered, what is it, severe neurological trauma, that may affect his…mobility…right?" She looked to the nurse, who nodded.
The nurse carried on, “The doctors had to perform reconstructive surgery on a few of his limbs, which should heal up, but during the surgery there was a bit of hemorrhaging.”
Despite my lack of medical knowledge, I knew hemorrhages were bad.
"To avoid any further damage, they placed him into an induced comatose state. He, hopefully, will wake up from it. We’re going to monitor him closely for the next several hours.”
"Wait, you said he’ll ‘hopefully wake up’. It’s not certain?" I was starting to get alarmed.
"There’s a 65% chance, but with trauma as severe as this one, we can never be fully certain."
I sat down on the chair next to the window and buried my face in my hands. I couldn’t imagine my life without him; yet, I still hadn’t been able to bring my eyes up to see the damage for myself. I felt Anne pat my arm lightly. “I’ll give you a moment, I know it’s hard to take in.”
I heard her soft footsteps leave the room, along with the nurse’s, as I tried to convince myself to look up.
"Come on Lou, you can do this. You need to be strong." I thought to myself. I ran my fingers through my hair and took a deep breath as I tried to assess the damage done to my best friend.
"Oh my god…." I breathed aloud. It was worse than I could have imagined. Even though he was taller than me, he looked tiny lying on that bed. I could see the blood seeping through the dressings of his wounds that practically covered his entire body.
"Harry…" I couldn’t handle this. Harry and I’s relationship transcended beyond the labels. We weren’t just brothers or best friends. We understood each other without having to speak. Losing him would mean I would lose half of myself, maybe even more.
Trying to avoid breaking down completely, I picked up his hand lightly and gave it a squeeze, hoping for a response that I knew wouldn’t come. “Hazza, I really hope you can hear me, y’know like in those films? Please wake up. Since we met, we’ve been close, closer than the other lads. We had this amazing connection that I always wrote off as friendship. A part of me has always known that I was lying to myself, and to you. Even when you plucked up the courage to tell me that you could see our relationship past friendship, something deeper, I shot you down. I was a right idiot. I knew then that we were supposed to be in each other’s lives forever.” my voice was faltering. I knew I had to tell him.
"Harry, I….I love you mate. You know I love you, but I need you to know that I…I love you like you said you loved me that night. We’re meant to be. I need you to open your eyes. Please…please."
I looked back up at his face and saw his eyelids drawn over his beautiful green orbs. I leaned my head against the mattress, clutching his hand, and prayed for a miracle.
10:26 pm • 19 March 2012 • 4 notes
Walking back to the flat was almost unbearable. I could hear the keys jingling merrily in my pocket, the schoolchildren across the street playfully laughing, the birds swooping overhead, yet I couldn’t bear to hear my own thoughts. I was sad, to say the least. Having just dropped Liam off at the Heathrow for his American tour, I was struggling to hold back the tears. I didn’t want to cry on the streets…and I didn’t want to cry at home either. I wanted him to be with me. I couldn’t bear the thought, but I knew I had to be strong, for the both of us.
I waved to the doorman as I hit the button for the elevator. 12th floor. The ride up was quiet, with the only audible sounds resonating from my sniffles. ”Keep it together. You’re almost there.”
Turning the keys to the door, I walked in and looked around. It looked exactly the same as it did when he was there only two hours ago. I could even smell the faint scent of his cologne. The dishes were still in the sink from our long breakfast. The TV was still on the same channel.
Leaving everything as is, I sighed and trudged into the bedroom. I wanted to sleep until he got back. Knowing that my desire was physically impossible, I settled for sleeping until the next day. I changed into one of his flannel shirts, deeply inhaling the smell. God, I missed him already. ”Why am I so pathetic?”
Seeing the ruffled sheets, I pulled back the duvet to reveal the pillows. Sitting down on the side of my bed, I decided to check my phone. “No texts. Of course, he would be on a plane for the next few hours.” I smoothed the pillowcase over and heard the crumple of paper. Confused, I stuck my hand into the side of the pillowcase and pulled out a little scrap of paper that read:
I know you’re probably miserable right now and the time a part seems like a millennia. Believe me, I feel the same way. I want you to know that I love you infinitely. You are my life and my other half. I pray you’re not as crushed as I am right now. Isn’t there a quote that says something like ‘distance makes the heart grow fonder’? Well we’ll be an ocean’s length apart, and I know that when I’m back I’ll be more in love with you than ever before. I want you to stay strong, enjoy yourself, and talk to me every night via Skype :)
You are the most perfect girl I could ever even dream of, and I can’t wait to see you again. I’ll be counting down the days until I can touch your cheek, feel your kiss, and hear your laugh. Time will fly by, but my feelings will stay the same.
Be a good girl and be brave. You are the sole light in the darkness of my light.
I love you,
Reading the note a few times over, I smiled. I knew everything would be okay.
1:43 am • 6 March 2012 • 1 note
Gotta be you
"Sophie, could you please retrieve the mail?" my mum asked, trying to spoon some repulsive-looking green mash into the baby’s mouth. Opening the front door, I was met with a billowing wind. Brushing the hair from my face, I walked slowly to the mailbox, admiring my quiet suburban childhood neighborhood. I loved visiting home from uni, it provided a nice change that I often needed. Filtering through the mail, full of the typical bills and magazines, my fingers halted as I saw a hand-addressed envelope for me. Repressing the mounting curiosity, I walked back inside, handing the mail to my mum, before retiring to my father’s study, now empty due to his deployment in Afghanistan. Sitting down in the maroon armchair, I tore open the letter, recognizing the handwriting instantly.
I’m sitting at that old cafe we used to frequent before I moved to London. Remember, the smell of coffee that you so loved? I’m told you don’t even come here anymore. It’s because of me, isn’t it? I realize how conceited that sounds, but I wish you were here with me. I’m in town for a few weeks. Not that you care, I’m sure you hate me, which you should. I just wanted to let you know that I’m sorry. I’m sorry I ruined everything, that I—-“
I stopped reading. I couldn’t do this. Not again. It took me so long to get over it. Him. Now he’s back? In our sleepy town? Summer had just begun, and I couldn’t even escape back to uni.
I put the letter down and moved to the front door. “I’m going for a walk mum!” I called. Shoving my hands into my pockets, I walked to the nearby park and up to a hill that my father and I usually frequented for some quiet time. I sat down, pulling my knees up to my chin, and gazed out at the park goers. All seemingly happy and care-free, as I should have been. The letter was plaguing my mind, I couldn’t help it. Attempting to focus on something else, I decided to watch the trees sway on the horizon. The wind was really picking up, and I lost myself in the beauty of nature. I didn’t even notice the people around me, even the one person who came up and sat down next to me.
"Did you read my letter?"
The words shocked me out of my trance. I turned my head quickly and was met with the half-smiling face that I was once in love with.
"A fourth of it." I mumbled.
"Only a fourth? Come on Soph, I know you don’t like reading, but come on!" he joked. I used to love that about him, his humor.
"Why are you doing this to me, Louis?"
His smile faded. “I needed to tell you something.”
"We’re not exactly on speaking terms anymore, are we?"
"I know," he sighed, picking at the grass. "That’s why. I miss you so much Soph. You have no idea, it’s killing me, not being able to talk to you."
"You want to talk? After what you did?" I seethed. I wasn’t one for grudges, but after my best friend and boyfriend left town after not even a word of goodbye or prior notice, I was mad, to say the least. I was crushed when I found out he left for London. I was devastated when he wouldn’t answer my calls or texts. I was broken hearted when I learned he had moved on to another girl. All without a single word.
"I know, I was wrong. You should be pissed. I hate myself for doing that to you."
"I’m sure." I said, before standing up. Brushing the grass of my legs, I started to walk away, but a hand grabbed me.
"Please Soph, I’m begging you!" He sounded exasperated.
"Louis, this is your fault. I was begging you to even talk to me when you left, remember? You did this. Did you think you could come back and I’d forgive you for treating me like dirt? You ruined it. You." I said, but as the last word left my mouth I almost regretted it. He looked as if I had kicked him in the stomach.
"Sophie, I…I’m so sorry. I just wanted you to know. I just…I don’t know," he trailed off. He let go of my arm and reached into his pocket, pulling out a flash drive. "You don’t have to listen to it, but I really hope you do." He said, before flashing his sea-foam eyes up to meet mine. "I am so sorry. I miss you." He walked down the side of the hill, leaving me standing at the top alone.
When I finally got home, I noticed the lights off. Walking inside, I saw a note on the fridge notifying me that my mum and baby brother had left for a mother-baby class.
I went back into the study and opened my laptop. Turning over the flash drive in my hands, I contemplated what could be on it. After plugging it into the USB, I opened the folder and read the file name: ‘GBY’. I took a deep breath before double clicking on it. I waited as my iTunes opened up and began playing a song. I recognized it immediately as an acoustic version of his band’s song ‘Gotta Be You’. Instead of hearing Liam’s voice singing the first lines, I heard his. I had heard Louis sing in his band years ago and the little bits in One Direction, but it wasn’t like this. I could feel the emotion that his voice was seeped with. It was like the words were meant for me and only me. I listened with my heart instead of my head. The way he was singing made him sound truly repentant. His voice was breaking my heart, and I felt bad for him. I listened to the song on repeat for a while, until I fell asleep at the desk. After an uncomfortable sleep, I awoke with a stiff neck. I looked around at my surroundings confused, until the past night’s events flooded back into my memory. “Oh my god…” I muttered to myself. I looked at the grandfather clock sitting next to the window. 7:13 AM. Pulling on a cardigan, I walked to the coffee shop that I had avoided for the past 9 months. Entering the little shop, my senses were overwhelmed with the savory sweet smell of coffee and tea that I loved so much. After ordering my drink, I put a lid on top of the cup, so I could walk around town a bit. Carefully sipping in between steps, I found myself back at the park and at my hill. I sat down to enjoy the sunrise. I wasn’t usually a morning person, but watching the sunrise was definitely worth it. As the first rays peeked over the horizon, I heard a rustle of fabric near me. Without turning to look, I knew it was him, his cologne gave it away. As I inhaled the familiar scent, I felt a sense of pent up longing. I wanted to crawl into his arms and forget the world.
“Fancy meeting you here…” he said gloomily.
Without moving my head, I pushed my coffee cup to him. “Peace offering.” I mumbled.
He took a sip and chuckled. “I take it you listened to the song?”
I nodded, finally turning to look at him. Why did he have to be so goddamn adorable? It really wasn’t fair, the way his disheveled chestnut hair was flowing in the wind and how his eyes were glowing green in the early sun rays.
He scooted closer, handing me back the cup and grabbing my other hand. I looked away, to avoid tearing up, but felt something pressed into my palm. Unfolding my fingers, I saw a little bracelet I had made years ago. I had given this to him the day we met almost 10 years ago.
“I kept it, you know,” he said. “All this time, it was my memory of you. Having it on, it felt like you were with me.”
“Why did you leave me hanging then?”
“I was a coward. I was scared of my feelings. I knew then, the day I got the ‘yes’ in auditions that it was going to be hard facing you because…because I loved you. I was in love with you then. Saying goodbye to you would be the harder than anyone else. I wanted to take you with me, I wanted you to wait for me, but I knew that was selfish. I convinced myself that it would be best if I cut ties, I wanted you to move on so you wouldn’t have to deal with my hectic life. I was an idiot.”
“You loved me?”
“Yes.” he said. I looked back into his eyes with uncertainty. “And I still love you.”
I looked back out into the sunrise, completely paralyzed with shock. I felt him move to kneel in front of me. He looked at me with that heart-melting smile. I swallowed hard and felt my hands clam up. Brushing the loose strands of hair from my face, he pushed his hand through my hair. Our eyes were locked. I couldn’t look away. I had missed him so much, even though I had refused to accept it. He leaned forward slowly until an inch remained between us. It felt like there was an electrical current flowing between us with a magnetic force pulling us together. Tilting his head, he slowly placed his lips on mine. I moved my hands to rest on his toned shoulders. The kiss grew more passionate as we began to lose ourselves in it. Months of pent up tension was released in to this intense and emotional kiss. His lips were just as I remembered: soft, supple, and tasted of mint toothpaste. His hands roamed from my hair to my neck and waist, pulling me onto his lap. As we parted, I felt a smile form on his lips. “You have no idea how long I’ve wanted to do that.”
“What about all of those other girls, Lou?” I was still uncertain.
“Sophie, it’s always been you. It’s got to be you. No one else matters to me, and no one else ever will.” He said, before leaning back in for another passionate kiss.
[A/N: 500+ words, but necessary]
12:27 am • 5 March 2012 • 1 note
Can we fall, one more time?
The snow had begun falling as the clock tower announced 5PM to the sparsely populated university campus. It was the last day of classes before Christmas break, and the majority students had already fled campus. Walking to my car, parked on the fringe of the school, I took a deep breath of the chilly air. I was at peace; the snow always did that to me.
Crossing the deserted street, I pulled my scarf tighter against the now billowing wind. Attempting to peer through the flakes, I saw my past leaning against the railing. I felt my heart plummet as I saw him casually resting on the side of the walkway, like it was no big deal. It had been three months since he decided that my life was too dull for him. I wasn’t famous, I was a college student. I spent most of my time in the library. He was a celebrity, with thousands of beautiful fans, and knew people I couldn’t even dream of meeting. He said that he wanted to take a break and that we should be friends. I let him go, even though it broke my heart. I had long ago promised myself that I wouldn’t be the girl who’d fall apart due to a boy. I held my head high as I approached him.
"What are you doing here, Zayn," my voice was unforgiving. He looked up at me, running his hand through his charcoal hair.
Gazing at me with his mahogany eyes. “I had to see you…even if you hate me, I couldn’t wait,” he said, raising his hand to stop me before I protested. “Every night, I looked out into the crowd and all I saw was your face. Your eyes, your smile, you. I’m lost without you. I feel like I’m missing half of myself, because I don’t have you. I know it’s too much to ask, but I was wondering if we could fall…again…one more time?”
"Nice speech. Do you realize how unfair this is? Springing this on me?"
"I know, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have come…I just, I…I love you.”
“What?” I was taken aback. Looking at the accumulating snow on the ground I thought back to how we had promised that we wouldn’t say those words unless we truly meant it. We didn’t want to feel pressured or say it without meaning.
He closed the distance between us, until he was less than an inch away from me. Tilting my head up with his cold fingers he said, “Remember our promise about that? I really mean it.”
I looked into his eyes with uncertainty. “I love you,” He repeated to me, placing his other hand on my waist. I felt my knees weaken.
“You…” I started to say. Before I could even start another word, his lips found mine. Emotional and full of passion, he kissed me deeply, pulling me even closer. Finally when we parted, I answered his earlier question with a small smile.
2:00 am • 3 March 2012 • 3 notes